How it feels to ‘go nonverbal’
Even if you haven’t heard the word nonverbal before, it’s fairly easy to guess the meaning: not using verbal speech. It’s often used as a way to describe autistic people who don’t speak. It is not a diagnosis, but a descriptor, and associated with “level 3” autism (Rudy, 2022). (My personal opinion as an autistic person is that the levels are a load of crap, but that’s for another blog post…)
The use of the term ‘nonverbal’ is not preferred by everyone in the disabled community. Many people prefer the term ‘nonspeaking’. This is due to the negative associations with nonverbal - many people assume that nonverbal means the person can’t communicate at all, and don’t understand when others are speaking to them (Riggs, 2021). Nonspeaking merely indicates that a person may not speak in full sentences, but has other methods of communicating. While the terms are largely used interchangeably, it’s important to respect the individual preferences of the person you’re describing.
In the above contexts, nonverbal/nonspeaking describes someone who very rarely communicates with spoken words. However, autism is a spectrum, and people’s needs and abilities can change. An autistic person may be exceedingly verbose in one context, and practically unable to communicate in another. When someone who is generally very verbally communicative finds themselves unable to speak, it’s commonly referred to as “going nonverbal”.
Photo by Karolina Grabowska on Pexels.
So why does it happen? The triggers can vary between individuals, but it generally occurs when a person is stressed, overstimulated or burnt out. It often occurs in tandem with dissociation (a state where you feel disconnected from your thoughts and physical body). Let me give you an example.
If someone tries to speak to me while they’re vacuuming, or even if there’s vacuuming happening nearby, I can barely respond. The noise is so overwhelming in my ears that processing what people are saying to me is difficult, and formulating a response is practically impossible. I can usually force out a brief verbal response, but if I’m asked multiple questions, I get more and more frustrated and overwhelmed until I either snap back or run away. It’s like the sound of the vacuum is a slippery wall in front of me, and I have to push my way up over the top for my voice to be heard. Each time I complete an answer, I slide back down, and have to climb up again and again. It’s exhausting.
Supermarkets are an absolute nightmare to navigate. Lights, overwhelming choices, rude people not following the rules… I often find myself losing my ability to speak, because I’m so focused on reigning in my natural reactions to all of these unwanted stimuli. Instead, if I’m with my partner, I find myself communicating by pointing at things I want, with a thumbs up or down, or by making small noises in my throat (like a grumble). It makes me feel childish, but it’s the most effective method of ‘speaking’ that I have available.
Previously, had someone asked me, I’d have told them that I don’t go nonverbal. I can force out words most of the time. But going nonverbal isn’t a matter of yes words or no words. Going nonverbal looks different for each individual, and can vary for that person too. Here are just a few of the ways that someone may ‘go nonverbal’:
Lose their ability to speak full sentences, instead giving one word replies. (e.g. “fine”, “yeah”, “hm”)
Use sounds rather than distinct speech to communicate. (e.g. humming, whining, whimpering)
Continue speaking, but slower than usual and often forgetting words or losing track of what they were trying to say. (e.g. “yeah, so… you know that thingie?”, “um… something… I forgot, sorry”)
Produce no sounds at all and use gestures to communicate. (e.g. nodding, pointing, facial movements)
Become entirely closed off to communication and unable to process or respond to anything said to them.
If you’re with someone and they appear to go nonverbal, the best thing you can do is try to meet them where they’re at. Don’t force them to speak - pushing through the nonverbal barrier is exhausting, and will only make it harder for the person to recover. Some things that I’ve tried for other autistic people going nonverbal, or things that have worked for me:
Photo by Pradamas Gifarry on Unsplash.
Typing on a phone or other device. (Notebooks or scrap paper are also handy!)
Only asking yes or no questions so that the person doesn’t need to speak.
In social situations with unfamiliar people, intercept as much as possible - e.g. if you’re at a store, take the lead in speaking to retail workers, or ask if you can order on their behalf at a restaurant.
Communication cards (common phrases written on cards in advance, which you can show someone instead of speaking).
Being patient and allowing the person time to finish their sentence, even if it seems like they’re having a hard time. If you interrupt them, they’ll have to stop and process whatever you said, which means they might forget what they were saying originally.
Going nonverbal is a totally normal part of the autistic experience. However, that doesn’t mean it isn’t frustrating! It’s like being an amateur shooting hoops - you try again and again, but the ball barely ever goes through the hoop. It feels like failing at something you should be a master of. With that in mind, it’s important to treat people experiencing a nonverbal period with kindness, but without being patronising. Accommodate, don’t frustrate!
References
Rudy, L. (2022, October 16). Understanding Nonverbal Autism. Verywell Health. https://www.verywellhealth.com/what-is-nonverbal-autism-260032
Riggs, C. (2021, November 29). Ask the Expert: ‘Nonspeaking’ vs. ‘Nonverbal’ and Why Language Matters. The Guild Blog. https://www.guildhumanservices.org/blog/ask-expert-nonspeaking-vs-nonverbal-and-why-language-matters#:~:text=The%20term%20nonverbal%20has%20been,clinicians%20and%20advocates%20using%20it.
